


My Choosiest Choice of All

by lunarqueens



Series: My Rewrites [1]
Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Drabble, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Gay Messes, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Pining, Someone Help Them, episode rewrite, it's mostly just pining, not really tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-17 01:22:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13648473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarqueens/pseuds/lunarqueens
Summary: He just couldn’t believe that everyone seemed to think he had a crush onNewbie, of all people. Sure, the kid was fairly attractive, and he wasn’t a horrible doctor, Perry would give him that. But it wasn’t like Perry actually enjoyed his presence, or anything. It wasn’t like he found himself thinking of Newbie a lot, sometimes at the most inopportune of times. It wasn’t like he wanted to grab the kid by the shirt and kiss him until -Oh.Oh no.Ohfuck.





	My Choosiest Choice of All

**Author's Note:**

> sO here's some more jdox because I still love them more than life itself. this is based off the actual episode "My Choosiest Choice of All" but very heavily edited to fit jdox, I'm actually planning on doing this with several of the episodes, so that will be fun ! I hope this is enjoyable, comments & kudos are always appreciated :^)

_Count to ten before you react_. That was what his therapist had told him, ages ago, and to be perfectly honest it had worked out pretty well most of the time. Perry knew he had a little bit of a problem when it came to anger. Okay, well, everyone in the hospital knew that, actually. It was a tad obvious, especially to those unfortunate enough to end up on the receiving end of one of his famously fury-filled rants.

But he had been doing better. And Perry was proud of that. He was still famously bitter and not someone to be crossed, obviously - he'd never give up that legacy. But he was better at calming himself down, controlling his own anger. Which was really, really good, considering he had a son now. Perry was proud to say that he had much more self-control than he'd had, say, six months ago. 

However, some days it simply couldn't be helped. 

Today had been one of those days. And, as per usual, it was all Newbie's fault. 

Perry kicked open the door, growling inarticulately under his breath, then slammed it closed with fervor. Jordan, sitting on the couch with Jack in her arms, looked up with raised eyebrows. 

“Bad day?” 

“If this day were a person, it would be Bob Kelso,” snarled Perry, all but flinging himself down next to her, arms crossed. “And we all know that man is the personified version of the bubonic plague.” 

Jordan held Jack out to him, eyebrows raised. “What, did all your patients croak at once or something?” 

“No, but if Newbie keeps up with what he’s been doing lately, they very well might,” he muttered, standing up to pass Jack to the nanny, who had just walked into the room. “Quick question - does my son _ever_ stop crying?”

“You know what’s so sweet?” Jordan said dryly. “This morning, Jack called her Da-Da.” 

“I’m-I’m-I’m _sorry_ ,” he snapped, clasping his hands behind his head. “Look, Newbie’s been driving me so completely up the wall lately that whenever he’s harping at me I actually start to see _your_ face.”

“I love that you think about me at work!” she retorted sarcastically.

Flopping back onto the couch, Perry picked up the newspaper and flipped it open. “Honestly, Jordan, I have never despised anyone more.” 

Jordan’s mouth fell open. She yanked down the newspaper and stared him straight in the eyes. “You have a crush on him, don’t you?”

“Who said who to what now?” Perry said blankly. 

“You do!” she stood up and faced him, an accusatory expression on her face. “It is so _typical_. We have an amazing son, we're totally getting along for a change...but that's too boring for you; it's too nice! So you have to go and blow the whole thing up, don't you? Well, bravo, Perry. Ohh...fantastic!” 

Slowly and sarcastically clapping her hands, she left the room. Perry groaned and dropped the newspaper, clutching his head in frustration. He looked up towards the ceiling, chuckling lowly. 

“Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don't, do ya. I'm onto you, Big Man!”

* * *

Meanwhile, JD wasn’t having a particularly great day either. 

Was his life a mess? Yes, yes it was. Was he slowly but surely digging his way straight to rock bottom? Oh, absolutely. Was he completely and irrefutably in love with someone he knew without a doubt would never, _ever_ feel the same way about him? 

Most unfortunately, yes. 

But were any of those things a good enough reason for him to hook up with Danni, his very-potentially-insane ex-girlfriend?

No, they definitely were not.

And yet here he was. 

“Do you want any water?” he yelled to the aforementioned crazy ex-girlfriend as he exited his bedroom, his chest stinging with about a dozen scratches. To be perfectly honest, if this was Danni being her “real self” - as she’d put it - then JD very much preferred her less real, less evilly scratching self. If this was what having sex with her was going to be like every time from now on, he was pretty sure he’d be dead by the end of the month from the sheer amount of blood he’d end up losing. 

Someone coughed. JD started, jerking out of a vivid fantasy of Danni as a gigantic saber-tooth tiger. “She’d need a really sparkly collar,” he mumbled absently, then yelled in surprise when he saw Turk and Carla, leaning over the back of the couch and staring at him as if he were a rather fascinating zoo animal. “What the - what are you two doing here?”

“Bambi!” Carla said reprovingly. “We know you were in there with Danni. We heard you say her name!” 

_Think fast, JD! You can’t let them know you’re that completely pathetic - think of a good cover! You can do it!_

“Oh, no - no! I was in there with my buddy Danny, from, uh, the gym.” he mentally high-fived himself. _Nice save, Dorian. They won’t suspect a thing_.

Turk’s eyebrows shot up. “But we heard you say ‘take it all, Danni!’” 

_Dammit!_

“He’s a really good buddy,” JD mumbled before taking an exaggerated look at a nonexistant watch. “Well, gotta go!”

He was so busy practically running out the door to avoid Carla and Turk’s judgemental, couple-y stares that he completely forgot that Danni was still in his bedroom, waiting for a water. 

“Oh well,” he mumbled. He was already late for his shift, and it wasn’t like she couldn’t find the door. 

* * *

Perry was in a bad mood when he stormed into the hospital and he already knew the day was going to do nothing but grow steadily worse. For one thing, general experience had led him to believe that’s what all days did. For another thing, he had to deal with Newbie and his patient right away, and considering that recent conversation with Jordan, dealing with Newbie was quite literally the last thing Perry wanted to do at the moment. 

Not that _that_ was really anything new. 

Luckily, the staff at Sacred Heart had all learned by this point that bothering him when he was in one of these moods was pretty much a death sentence, so everyone stayed out of his way as he stalked toward the recovery ward. 

He saw Newbie as soon as he got there, standing next to the patient’s bed holding a chart. “Okay, Jeff, that’s gonna be all from me. Any other questions, you can ask my buddy Dr. Cox here.” 

Laughing sarcastically so that Newbie would understand just how much they really were _not_ buddies, Perry waved at Jeff. 

Jeff smiled back, then looked up at JD. “You think it’s cool if I broke out tomorrow to play a set with the band? They’re going on tour in Europe, and…I won’t get the chance to play with them for another year.”

The words _that’s rough, buddy_ had already jumped to the tip of Perry’s tongue, but Newbie beat him to it with a smile and a pat on Jeff’s shoulder. “I think we can work something out.”

Perry’s mouth dropped open. Practically sputtering, he followed JD out of the ward, feeling what was sure to be an award-winning, ass-kicking rant forming in his mind. 

Unfortunately, the kid was doing that annoying thing where he _talked_ , which was making it kind of hard for Perry to come up with the exact combination of words that would end up hurting him the most. 

“Look, Per, don’t worry about it. I’ll drive him there myself, he can play with his friends for an hour, I’ll drive him back. No harm done.” 

“You’re right, there will be no harm done,” Perry said, crossing his arms and turning to face the younger doctor, “mostly because he isn’t going. You see, I’m his doctor now.” 

He was already so annoyed by the entire day so far that he hardly even felt guilty at the look JD gave him. “Seriously? I wouldn’t listen to you the other day, so you took it out on the patient?”

“Look, I honestly don't think that going to some dive bar is necessarily appropriate for somebody who just had kidney surgery,” Perry retorted, already strolling away. “Although, don't get me wrong, Joanna, the fact that it seems to be pissing you off so much is the true definition of an added perk. Seriously, you can--you can look it up in the dictionary. It's under "P" for "perk". It's right next to "pain in the ass" and, curiously enough, your picture is right next to it!”

Newbie was still glaring at him from the other end of the hall. With a final sarcastic wave, Perry rounded the corner. 

The smile dropping from his face, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Dammit. He was not going to feel guilty about this. Not in any way, shape or form. Not even a tiny, tiny little bit. That would just be sinking too low, and he absolutely would not allow it. Not today, at least. 

Because he did not have a crush on Newbie! No, no, and oh, yeah, _hell no!_

“No matter what Jordan thinks,” he mumbled angrily under his breath. 

“What do I think about what?” 

Yelling in surprise, he dropped the chart he was holding. “Geez, Jordan, just stab me in the back or something next time!”

“Love to,” she said brightly. “Why are you crazy-talking about me?” 

“Why are you here? I thought your kind couldn’t survive in the sunlight.” 

“Very original. How’s your crush?” 

He growled through his teeth and snatched up the dropped chart before stalking away. 

“See you at lunch!” Jordan called after him, blowing a kiss. Meanwhile, he contemplated the pros and cons of throwing himself off the hospital roof. At this rate, it was starting to seem like a pretty damn good option. 

* * *

Ah, the supply closet. A place where dreams were made, where make-out sessions were had, where…

Where JD went to have his lunchtime existential crisis, apparently. 

Well. Not an existential crisis. More like his “I’m in love with my mentor who thinks I’m the biggest pain in the ass he’s ever had the displeasure to have to set eyes on” crisis. Which, actually, was a pretty common crisis with him. It was one of his more popular crises. As in, this was a situation that occured pretty much every other day. 

Which was just lovely. _Really_. He even had his own supply closet set aside for it. JD liked to call it the Crisis Closet. It made it sound less pathetic. Sort of. 

On the bright side, sometimes Elliot or Carla would drop him off a lollipop from pediactrics if they saw him trying (and failing) to sneakily enter the Crisis Closet. (It was a well-known fact that JD could rarely ever manage to do anything sneakily.) Hopefully, today would be one of those days, because today was definitely a lollipop-worthy day. 

As in, today was so awful that a lollipop was probably the only thing that could make it even just a little bit better. 

There was a knock on the door - _bingo!_ JD slid off the shelf he was sitting on and leaned his ear against the door. “Yes?” 

“Lollipop delivery.” it was Elliot’s voice. He cracked open the door and grinned at her. 

“Thanks, Elliot.” _oooh, cherry!_ Plucking the sucker out of her hand, he unwrapped it in one go and popped it into his mouth. “Tell Turk not to worry if I’m not at lunch.”

She gave him a concerned look. “Is everything okay, JD? Today’s pizza day. You never miss pizza day.”

Damn, she was right. He did love pizza day. But the thought of going into the cafeteria and facing Perry, who'd undoubtedly make some demeaning comment the second he spotted JD, only made the pit in his stomach double in size. Everything wasn't okay. Elliot could tell - all of his friends could. And while JD felt grateful for their concern, he didn't want to explain the situation. It would only make him feel worse. This was just something he'd have to shoulder on his own. Which sucked. But it was the best thing to do, probably. 

Oh, hell. He didn't know. Stupid Perry and his stupid attractive face. _Damn_ it!

“Everything’s great,” he told her through a mouthful of cherry-flavored deliciousness. Elliot raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, everything’s not great. Just keep Turk from freaking out, okay?” 

“No promises,” she said with a sigh. “Later, JD.” 

He slurped gloomily on the lollipop. Today was not a good day. 

* * *

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, Perry was sitting by himself in a corner, shooting death glares at anyone who dared to so much as breathe in his direction. He was pretty sure he may have actually made an intern cry, but it’s not like that was really anything new, so he didn’t worry about it too much. In fact, he was actually having a pretty grand time playing “hit Nervous Guy with pieces of stale beef” when Jordan appeared out of nowhere and parked herself in the chair right across from him. 

“We need to talk.” 

“Come on,” he groaned, craning his neck to look around her at where Pee-Pants was sitting. “I was about to break my personal record!” 

“Yeah, as much as I’d love to watch you play one of your sadistic little games with Frakenstein’s Monster over there, you need to actually shut up and listen to me for once. Think you can do that?” she reached over and lowered his hand from where he’d been cocking it, preparing to let fly another chunk of beef. Perry rolled his eyes. 

“Do I have a choice?” 

“Look, sunny, I’m trying to do something _nice_ for once, so you need to sit down and clam the hell up!” Jordan snapped. “You are _impossible_.” 

Wisely, he managed to keep his mouth shut.

“Look,” she said, placing her hands flat on the table and looking him in the eyes, “I know what we’ve been doing...isn’t really working out. We have Jack, and he’s great. But you and I, we don’t work so well together. I guess we both know that by now, right?” 

Perry nodded. He suddenly found himself unable to meet her eyes.

He did know she was right, but that didn't make it suck any less. They had tried; this was true. Neither of them had wanted Jack to grow up in a broken home. Hell, he _still_ didn't want that. But maybe it was better if they stopped trying before they fell into their old routines of fighting and shouting and silent treatments. Wouldn't it be worse for Jack to grow up in that kind of environment?

It would be. He knew that from experience. Still, it hurt to hear it said out loud. 

“Per, you and I have a kid, and obviously because of that we’re gonna be in pretty close contact most of the time. And as much as you annoy me, I’m fine with that. You’re a good dad.” when he glanced up, Jordan smiled at him - a real, genuine smile. “I just think we should both go our separate ways relationship wise. It won’t be good for anyone if we drag out something that isn’t even there.” 

Perry blew out a breath. He realized with a start that he felt like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Looking up at Jordan, he smiled back. 

“Yeah. I think you’re right.”

It stung slightly - losing something that could have been always stung. It would for a while, he knew that. Still, it felt good to end things this way, rather than with screaming and slammed doors. Jack would be okay. They would all be okay. Perry knew that, and he could see that Jordan did too. 

For a moment, they just looked at each other, and it was almost...nice. Perry didn’t completely hate it, at least.

Of course, this only lasted for about six seconds. 

“Well, that’s about as much sappy sweetness I can take in one day,” Jordan announced, sliding her chair back with an unpleasant screeching sound. “And oh, by the way, Per, I think you should absolutely go for DJ. He’s _great_ in the sack, you know.” 

He growled something so inarticulate and garbled that only served to make her laugh harder. As she walked away, she waved over her shoulder, tauntingly cheerful. 

“I do not have a crush!” he finally managed to half-heartedly shout. Of course, by then she was already gone, and the only person who actually heard him was Pee-Pants, who gave him a look of mingled confusion and fear. 

“If you look at me again I’ll castrate you,” Perry said flatly. Pee-Pants whimpered and whipped around so fast Perry wouldn’t have been surprised if he actually broke his neck. 

A thunk drew his attention back to his own table where, to his disgust, the conjoined Turk-and-Carla monster that had spent the day walking around judging people had decided to set up camp. Perry groaned. “Could you sit somewhere else? I’ve heard the morgue is _lovely_ this time of day.” 

Tarla, or Curk, or whatever the hell they were calling themselves these days, shared a knowing look. Perry considered braining himself on the edge of the table. “For the love of - _what?_ ”

“You have a crush on JD!” Carla blurted accusingly. Turk made a choking noise. 

“Baby, _what_ did you say?” 

“Jordan told me,” Carla told him before turning back to Perry. “I can’t believe -” 

“Wait a second, wait a second!” Turk said indignantly, waving his hands around rather aggressively. “Honey, you can not just drop a bomb like that and then expect me to just move on in the conversation! You did _not_ just say -”

“Turk, not now!” she snapped impatiently. “As I was saying, you do realize the JD is basically obsessed with you, right?”

“Well that’s not creepy at all,” he muttered sarcastically, shoving his food around his plate with a fork. 

“My point is,” Carla retorted, giving him a knowing look, “I know you ‘ _don’t have a crush_ ’, but if you _did_ , and you decided to stop being a wimp and _do_ something about it, I’m sure you wouldn’t be disappointed. Right, honey?” 

Turk gaped at her. “Look, baby, I’m still stuck on the part where you said he has a crush on JD.” 

“Oh, for...we’re leaving.” they stood up simutaneously. Perry thought they very much resembled some sort of two-headed mythical beast. He glared at their retreating backs, clutching his fork. 

“Think about it!” Carla called without looking back at him.

He groaned. “For the last time,” he growled to his plate, “I do _nawt_ have a crush!”

* * *

Later, Perry was still stewing, leaning up against the nurses’ station and flipping through a patient’s chart without even really looking at it. Hell, he didn’t even actually know whose chart it was. 

He just couldn’t believe that everyone seemed to think he had a crush on _Newbie_ , of all people. Sure, the kid was fairly attractive, and he wasn’t a horrible doctor, Perry would give him that. But it wasn’t like Perry actually enjoyed his presence, or anything. It wasn’t like he found him thinking of Newbie a lot, sometimes at the most inopportune of times. It wasn’t like he wanted to grab the kid by the shirt and kiss him until -

_Oh_. 

Oh no. 

Oh _fuck_. 

Frozen, he stared blankly at a spot on the floor. This was not happening. Well, okay, it was happening, but he sure as hell wasn’t happy about it. Of all the people in this damn hospital, he just _had_ to go and fall for Newbie. It was - well, it was just plain humiliating. 

“Hey, Per.” Perry started and turned around to see Carla standing behind him, reaching for the packet of papers at his elbow. “What’s this?” 

“Nothing!” he snatched it away. Carla crossed her arms and leaned back, giving him a look that clearly showed that she saw right through him. As usual. 

“That is a form allowing Mr. Stockton's band to come visit him so that JD will be happy that I did a nice thing for him.” about two seconds later he realized what he’d just said and proceeded to groan so loudly that several nurses on the other side of the room glanced over, looking curious.

Carla smirked. “Don’t have a crush, huh?” 

He snarled incoherently, then whipped around and began walking away. 

It had been a whim. A _whim_. He knew JD really wanted to make that patient happy, and though he’d never admit it in a billion years, he felt a tiny bit guilty about taking away the patient in the first place. JD would be so excited when he found out, and though Perry despised the fact that he was even thinking these thoughts, he liked it when the kid was happy. You know, a tiny little bit. 

Of course, if anyone ever accused him of such a thing, he’d demolish them both verbally and physically. 

* * *

JD’s pager was still beeping when he finally reached Jeff’s room, slightly out of breath. When he saw Perry standing next to Jeff’s bed, his stomach dropped. “Did you just page me here to gloat some more?” 

“As fun as that sounds, _no_.” Perry stuck out his lower lip. “Although actually, that doesn’t sound like too terrible of an idea…” 

Sighing, JD was turning around to leave when Perry suddenly spoke again, his voice sounding different this time. It almost sounded...sorry? 

“Newbie, wait.” he turned around. Perry licked his lips uncertainly. “Just c’mere, would you? Watch his face.” 

Jeff looked back and forth between them, confused. “What’s going - wait." he started to grin. "Wait, no way!” 

Jeff's eyes lit up. JD looked at the door to see a stream of people coming into the room, all beaming at Jeff and carrying some sort of instrument. His mouth dropped open. He looked at Perry, who was grinning devilishly. “Did you…” 

“Yep.” he looked immensely proud of himself. “And oh, Madison, I hope this won’t be awkward for ya, but I promised the whole band that if they came you’d take me on a date.” 

JD’s heart stuttered in his chest. He opened and closed his mouth, unable to form a sentence, his mind spinning. This had to be a joke. This was one of Dr. Cox’s tricks, it had to be, and any moment he was going to start laughing at him and say “Yeah, right, Sadie, as _if_ ” and it would be just like every other time he’d made fun of him, and -

“JD.” Perry was suddenly a lot closer than he had been only moments before. His eyes were very, very blue. JD felt weak in the knees. “I’m not joking. Want me to prove it?”

With one hand, he tilted JD’s chin up, and then they were kissing. For a moment JD didn’t know what to do - his body seemed to have frozen in shock - but seconds later he melted into the older doctor, looping his arms around Perry’s neck, their bodies lining up perfectly. The music was swelling around them and JD thought rather deliriously that it was just like a scene out of a movie, only better, because this was _actually happening_. 

Eventually they broke apart, both breathing heavily. JD knew his face was probably bright red. One of the band members whooped at them and he beamed, ducking his head, because now his face was _definitely_ bright red. 

Perry nudged him. “Whaddaya say, Newbie? Dinner tonight at eight?” 

A thought struck him and he looked up with huge eyes. “Do I get to ride in the Porsche?” 

Perry sighed. “Well, I’m definitely not hitching a ride on that pile of scrap metal you call a scooter, so...yeah, Josie, you can ride in the Porsche. What the hell.” 

“ _Hell_ yeah!” he pumped his fist. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Perry looking at him, smiling. Not a mocking smile, either - a real, true smile. JD felt his chest swell. 

“Tonight at eight it is.”


End file.
